I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We are all done wearing pants today
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
