Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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