Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
