I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
