I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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