I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
