I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
