I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
