apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
