hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
