The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
