I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
