The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
