While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Bring me that man meat
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
