i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
