If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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