I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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