Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
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You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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