Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
