first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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