Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
