Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
