Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
