so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
