no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
