Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
