I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
