I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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