you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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