just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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