Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
