If i come over, it means nothing
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
