Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
