What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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