I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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