there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
