Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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