Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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