Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
