I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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