Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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