What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
