Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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