I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
