Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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