you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
