Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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