My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
