i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
