So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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