the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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