you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
