im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
