I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
