I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
