I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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