Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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