I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
