Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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