Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
