Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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