I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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