ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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